| At the Bonneville Salt Flats in northwestern Utah, a small cloud of dust approaches from the distance. Is it a race car? Nah, too slow. A new car model? Nah, too small. As it gets closer, you can make out a man lying prone on some sort of orange, motorized wheeled contraption. As it passes in front, you're still not sure what the helmeted man is driving. Or riding. All you can say is that it looks weird. Welcome to the Annual Barstool Land Speed Competition. Barstool? That's right! Every year in September, there's an annual event staged by the Utah Salt Flats Racing Association. Called, "World of Speed," it's here at the Bonneville Salt Flats where bragging rights for the "World's Fastest Barstool" are determined. Don't ask . . . The winner in 2002 was the entry by Argus Industrial Company, manufacturer of the range of EZ-SCREEN portable screening plants, and the company's engineering consultant, Kerry McLean. Powered by a diesel starter motor, the 12-volt unit was push started by Al Skoropa, president of Argus, and driven by McLean. Once on-line, the orange gizmo streaked across the salt flats at a world record-setting pace for barstools of 45 mph. No other barstool even came close. No doubt a good measure of this speed was accomplished by the novel idea of driving prone, lying across the barstool, instead of assuming the usual upright position in which barstools have been supporting the maxima gluti of tavern patrons for time immemorial. (Of course, there are no doubt many unrecorded instances of tavern patrons lying prone in close proximity of barstools, but let's not get into that.) At the finish line, Al Skoropa modestly announced that this victory was a feat of superior design and engineering, typical of that which goes into all EZ-SCREEN portable screeners, although most of those present had no idea what he was talking about. Records are made to be broken, so there are probably a few who can hardly wait until next year to boast, "My stool's faster than your stool." Kinda makes you wonder. 
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